The Power of Language

Recently, Mistress sent me to serve a dominant couple that live close to me. They have a rule of speech that gave me no end of difficulty and thinking it about it after made me realize how clever their rule was, and how binding and corrective language can be.

The rule is, on the surface quite easy. Every order is to be answered with a "Sir, yes Sir." Every sentence that I utter is to start and end with "Sir."

I have heard of Dominants insisting that their submissives speak in the third person and i have always thought it silly but i would never condemn anyone for doing it. It was only as i was using this speech pattern (or trying to) that i realized how binding it was. The response to an order wasn't so bad, but enclosing every sentence with Sir was very difficult and restrictive. What i realized was that while using everyday speech i have a habit of forming my next comment or answer as the other person speaks so as to respond as soon as they finish. Because i had to concentrate on HOW i would answer it forced me to wait and therefore i concentrated on their words. It turned out to be an extremely effective behaviour modification device. It forced me to wait. It made me feel like a supplicant being forced to wait until the Dominant had completely finished their sentence.

The most difficult of all, were the questions that required an explanation as part of the answer. Try answering "why cant you kneel for very long?" with "Sir, i had knee surgery five years ago sir." A persons impulse is to just to respond to the question as efficiently as possible and a lifetimes habit is hard to shake. Much more difficult to do than you may think. Try it some time.

I never would have believed that simple language could be so binding and controlling but believe me it is.

An effective lesson learned

Missed Date

One of the by products of our recognition that we are not going to live together is the ability of Mistress to distance herself from me emotionally. I don't mean that she has become some cold calculating Uber Domme but rather she has learned to temper her behaviour toward me with less emotion. The net result is an increase in the defining of our roles as Mistress/slave which unexpectedly for me at least has initiated a level of intensity within me that i just didn't realize existed. What i suspect is that when you know that you have someones confidence and trust, as well as a priority on their time a natural evolution occurs in that you unconsciously take those feelings for granted. What has developed now, on my part is a greater appreciation of the time i get whether it be phone, text or in person, which in turn is quickly recognized by her and taken advantage of. The lack of postings here would indicate a lack of interest but strangely enough the opposite has been true. Recently, i have had ideas and thoughts for blog entries gushing out, the problem is that the emotions for me are to strong ....to raw.

Recently, Mistress made contact with a Dominant couple that are relatively close to me geographically. She contacted them, met them with the net result that she arranged to give me to them as a service slave. As far as i know that is the extent of it at least for the trial period. No scening, no fantasies, no sexual contact, nothing except serving them on a platonic basis. The initial arranged date was set three weeks in advance, today in fact and my struggle with my thoughts over that time period is what i wish to recant here.

I think that i am somewhat unusual in that not much about BDSM activities interests me very much, yes i have a foot fetish, yes i get a buzz when i address Mistress by her title but thats about it. I don't like pain ...AT ALL, i dont like humiliation or cross dressing or bondage or pretty much any other kink but i AM addicted to service. I love brushing Mistresses hair and doing her nails and preparing her meals, cleaning house and on and on and on. So when Mistress told me what would be happening with this couple i really had mixed feelings, being given to others really had no appeal to me in fact i was mildly turned off. The fact that it was described as a pure service assignment left me thinking that, "shit, this is going to be boring". Dutiful slave that i am, the net result was that i shrugged my shoulders and resigned myself to it, after all it was still three weeks away. Last weekend Mistress met them and the sum explanation that i got was that they were very experienced, very attractive and very smart. Not much to go on but much better than two Rednecks in a trailer park. *g*

By now of course a certain amount of urgency is creeping in as it was only five days away, would they like me? Would i like them? How demanding would they be? How formal?
My brain was telling me that the best way to go forward was to embrace the service aspect which had the effect of creating pleasure at the challenge. Added to this was Mistresses comment that i was hers and what i did reflected on her. With this concept planted firmly in my head i felt my feelings changing slowly but surely, there was no way on Earth i would disappoint Mistress and even though i knew i was being manipulated the desire to please them and get a good report was gaining strength.

Long story short.....they cancelled yesterday and while i must stress that i wasn,t disappointed it really felt like a body blow. It was very much like preparing myself for a major sports event (yes i still remember that far back) or giving a speech in front of a lot of people and at the last second it is cancelled. The adrenaline drop was palpable. I was completely caught off guard at how strong the reaction was. The interesting thing to me was how my feelings changed over the time period and how strong my desire to please Mistress is, even when it is manifested through others.

The funny part about all of this was that i was at a Discovery this morning and the object of a lawyers interrogation which can be emotionally draining and as i was driving away i thought to myself today would have been a perfect day to lose myself in mindless chores for someone.

Oh Well *g*

Part 2

Thankfully, Mistress brought it to a head that evening and we talked it out into the early hours of the morning. The not so startling conclusion was that we just couldn't pretend to be what we were not, and to just relax and be ourselves.

The ensuing sex was magnificent, well at least for Mistress. I know this because i achieved the "holy grail" of orgasms. The holy grail of course is an OMFG. I should point out that Mistress much prefers to be pleased by my tongue, to the point that penetrative sex just doesn't happen much anymore. She is also multi orgasmic and the intensity of her orgasms tends to strengthen as they happen. The physical peak usually happens at number four and every so often i get the intensity to the point that she will mutter "oh my f*****g god!" It's at that point i start punching the air and listening to the strains of the Rocky theme music.

I love pleasing Mistress i truly do, my desire to please has become the cornerstone of our relationship. It does not matter if it is cleaning, brushing her hair,sexual service or anything in between, i absolutely am addicted to sensing her pleasure when i do something that pleases her. I am by nature a lazy person i think, and always thought that i would never be able to live as service slave in a 24/7 relationship. In my more candid moments i believed that the novelty would wear thin and my basic nature would assert itself. It turns out that my basic nature is actually my desire to be her slave and it is quite a revelation to come to terms with that. For the longest time i struggled with the idea that Mistress wouldn't want me if i became the dependent slave and i had so much difficulty coming to terms with it that i fought the committment. Mistress demonstrated incredible patience with me and eventually i accepted what i was and that Mistress actually was happy that i could devote so much of myself to her so completely.

Anyway, while my initial reaction was to resent the lost time on the trip i have come to accept that it was a necessary lesson for both of us. While it may be fun to have Mistress act as "Super Domme" as an occasional play session it just isn't us. While Mistresses control is absolute and i never forget that control, it is just to important for us both that we can still laugh and joke together, not to mention throwing the occasional snowball at her head. Not only are we Mistress and slave but we are friends and good friends at that.

Looking forward to the next trip though.

A different trip Part 1

I have truly come to admire the bloggers that have maintained their writings over such a long period of time, particularly when focusing on a subject like Femdom which only has so much that a person can write about.

While this blog has been "going" for four years now i really am struggling to find new subjects that aren't boring as hell. I am quite sure that i do not want to write about a shopping trip with Mistress and i am doubly sure that any readers are even less inclined. I have read that the secret to a successful blog is to post regularly which makes sense, and so on recent offerings i guess i am doomed to failure.

A big part of the problem that i have now is that so much of happens between us has been written about and is in effect boring. I mean what is the point of describing how i do various chores for her. On the flipside with what has happened with our "breakup" is that so many of our discussions are still to emotionally raw for me to share. It is so hard to watch Mistresses actions, praying that she wont take them and yet at the same time know that her actions are not only justified but make complete sense and if i am honest with myself i agree with her. Despite this, it is still hard to sit staring at my computer or telephone hoping against hope that she will contact me when she is on a date.

I am just back from a week with Mistress and it was the most bizarre of trips. Before i went down we had talked and sort of decided that Mistress needed to maintain an emotional "wall" between us, as much to protect herself as anything else. I understood and swallowed my disappointment and understood that i would be serving her in a more distant fashion. To be honest the thought of this arrangement excited me in a fantasy sense. I visualized myself as the poor miserable slave serving the all powerful, cold, calculating Mistress and boy did i find out that some fantasies should stay as just that. It was awful, while i served her as usual in every possible manner from housework to showering her to sexually pleasing her its the click of emotions that make everything work. It was so noticeable that i actually wondered how Pro Dommes make it work!

It is hard to explain, but even though Mistress doesn't tell me loves me every day i can sense that she does and it makes all the difference, and her cold indifference really threw me for a loop. I can understand her need to protect herself emotionally and the necessity to maintain a distance but she did it to well. I truly thought that at the end of the week she was going to tell me we were finished and would not meet again .....it was horrible.

My defence to this behaviour was to do basically the same thing, i become the invisible slave, serving her in silence venturing nothing..... We BOTH HATED IT. This lasted for four days and culminated in a restaurant when we went out for dinner and the waitress asked Mistress who the handsome funny guy was that she had been there with the previous week.

I was crushed............

The power of a Domme

I came across this post in a blog that i enjoy reading, so i thought i would post it and my response.

"A few days ago I read an article in which a dominant woman contended that withholding domination from a man is just as bad as withholding sex. She added that women have an obligation to understand the needs of their men.

Initially I went on to share my thoughts regarding this philosophy, but I realized that to varying degrees, I’ve already addressed this. Rather than repeating myself, I thought I would offer the floor to you. Do you agree or disagree, and why?"

http://ladyjulia.net/myblog/

My response;

Lady Julia,

For the longest time I have said to Mistress that dominant women really don’t understand the power that they have. The only flaw that I find the Domme that you quoted is that I think she underestimates the importance of her withholding domination.

While I can only speak for myself I have found that I can live without sexual release (after all that’s why god invented alcohol *g*) when I am not feeling Mistresses control I feel like I have lost my best friend, which I suppose in a sense is true. When I say control I don’t envision Mistress striding around in latex with crop in hand but the person who is always at the back of my mind guiding me. As you know, our relationship has recently changed and I have been struggling, even to the point when last week, a woman I work with asked me if I was ever going to smile again. What I do mean though is the little things, like researching a product that she is considering buying or like today when she asked me to compare some medical coverage she was about to change. I check most of Mistresses email daily and produce a report alerting her to what needs her attention. These are small things but they are so rewarding and meaningful to me.

I have read so often of the “gift” that the submissive offers by submitting which I have really come to regard as ridiculous, if there is a gift involved it is that of the woman allowing me to serve her. I am absolutely totally addicted to the rush of pleasure that I get when I can sense or hear that I have got my service to her just right. To feel her hand gently touching me and hear the “good boy” is like nothing else. Am I being mushy? Absolutely, but also entirely honest.

So to answer your question, I disagree. The Domme that you quote just doesn’t go far enough. *grin*

jssubc

Where we are....

Things have moved on and i have hesitated to post mostly because we are still in a state of flux though that is now settling, but more so because my emotions were raw. It is amazing how in six years that our lives became so entangled even though there was no "legal" agreements. I think the world of Mistresses children and i know her friends and we truly truly just plain like each other.

We talk to each other at least twice a day and there came a point where we realized that we didn't want to part company nor could we. The question became where do we go from here? I haven't mixed with many other Femdom couples but I tend to think that ours is a more structured Mistress-slave relationship than most, but having said that i have come to believe that for these relationships to survive they must evolve, i know ours did.

So here is where we stand. (well one of us at least *g*) We get together as much as we can which looks like on average a few days a month. In essence we have become a long distance relationship with monthly highlights. Yes, it would seem to be a recipe for a train wreck. We are lucky in the sense that in many ways we work together as in making a living and as such we have no shortage of conversation subjects but there still can be some dead spots.

Mistress has told me that in a rather perverse way this arrangement has intensified her feelings about me as a slave in a far more draconian sense. From her point of view she has to some extent been able to emotionally distance herself from me and use me more to serve her and less as a romantic partner. I wont say to much more on this as it is best she describe this in her own way and perhaps she may even post her thoughts here.

For myself it is incredibly difficult. I have been miserable, even to the point where a friend asked me if i was ever going to smile again, its surprising what we show to others without realizing it. Over the time together i became incredibly devoted to her, i would probably be best described as a service slave. I truly love to do things for her and i don't mean things that are a trade off. (I'll clean your house if you will let me .......) Sexually, we do not kiss much anymore and i am rarely inside of her as she prefers to use my tongue and i love the fact that multi orgasms come easily to her. I do know that when she goes on a date i feel like the world is coming to an end and in a sense i suppose it could but to this point she has not replaced me.

One thing that has become obvious is that strangely her control has increased, as she puts it "there is less need to work on the future" and her expectations have increased in terms of the things that i do for her. It is surprising how much a secretary can accomplish long distance. I find it truly remarkable how she has been able to put up a "wall" between us and yet i have never felt so close to her or needed her so much. I suspect that i am feeling the "always want most what you cannot have effect". I feel so helpless and like a lab rat, i pine when i am not talking to her and i am disproportionately grateful when i do get her attention, i truly feel trapped.....and yet thankful.

I feel a little better getting that off my chest and thank you to those that have written to me, i cannot say how much your words have helped.

More to follow....

A Reprieve?

Despite what was in the last post I got to spend last weekend with Mistress. It was one of those bittersweet times you tell yourself you shouldn't participate in but just cant help yourself.

I came away with two contradictory feelings. On the one hand things were as good as they have always been, the service, pleasing her, playing tourist at Harpers Ferry and most of all just plain talking to her, we really do just plain enjoy being in each others company. On the other it was so hard to miss that little spark of intimacy, that particular warmth in her eyes....it just wasn't the same.

I am really not sure what the future will bring but for now i will relish the time that i get with Mistress.